Saturday 22 January 2011

Writers block?? rewind and press play!

I spend more time in the company of music than I do anyone or anything else.

Here I am sitting with nothing else on my agenda today other than to write. This is me.. taking a break from... writing!

Oddly enough, I had reached a point where I just sat - felt a block - so I did nothing other than think - in total silence, looking out over an unkempt garden littered with dead leaves and a searching squirrel or two looking for berries. Messy as it is - I like it. I like it because I know I can and will do something with it. I know why it is the way it is, and I also know that amidst it all it is - a very beautiful space. Period. I understand it. Yet it wasn't until I decided to share my silent moment with an equally serene sound track that the words started to flow. Instantly I felt a new energy, and was transported to another space ( in my mind) that was filled with pleasurable sorrow. I felt again at ease with my self in relation to why I do the things I do, why I've chosen to sit home alone, and why ( as I was told recently by a friend) all I do is work.

To be honest although I notice it - I wasn't aware than anyone else had, so It was quite funny to hear her talk about balance. Trust me - everything I do is to create a sense of balance in my life. I'm fairly centred anyway, but I guess over the years things have become 'a little bit out of whack' - to a passing observer anyway.

I made several excuses as to why I don't really go out much , but she wasn't having any of it. Told me that despite her being pregnant( not yet showing) we... were going out.. her choice of venue seems to be some 'kinda' wine bar ( I don't really drink, and she can't drink so that's a bit of an an odd choice!!) but as far as she's concerned I need to meet people. I'm not sure who she thinks I need to meet but who cares - I'm pretty sure come the hour come the day I'll be busy doing something else, as if there's one thing I have no overt desire to do - it's have the beauty of music spoiled by some drunken guy or gal who thinks its cool to fall about the place slurring. ( As enjoyable as they may find it) Do I sound like a snob?? shucks - I don't mean to!!- this again - is nothing more than an excuse ( I know when i'm making them!! - okay - I apologise to the guys and gals who like to drink and slur - mine is not to judge you!! )
Truth is - I've never really been that person - but I did consciously take a break from going out because I wanted to. Every now and again I think it's healthy to step back reevaluate your life and get to know - you! - and that can be difficult if you're constantly surrounded by people I've seen people become the people around them - only to later on mourn the loss of their identity -"It's behind you!!" Its not panto season yet - so why turn your life into a pantomine.

She said - "You're a hermit!" - I said - "thanks!" - she said "We're going out!"- I said "Yeah??" she's becoming a good friend. I like her a lot.
In the meantime I sit - my song of choice ?? - Alicia Keys - Unthinkable. The video looks like it's set in the deep south in the early 60's. I feel as though I'm of a different era - transported here as some kind of experiment.. "Hey! - you done yet??"

I digress.
You see, ever since I can remember music has been a part of my life. The soundtrack of my life is really pretty cool to me and I treasure it. I have songs that remind me of my father - Ray Charles - Al Green - U Roy, even Rod Stuart, my mother would be - The Heptones - Mighty Diamonds, a bit of Bob ( my mum's no Rasta - but she absolutely loves Rastaman Chant - every time she sings it - loudly - (this is not songs of praise mum!! ssh!!_) it makes me laugh - mainly because of how she sings it - and because for years she was on at my brother about his locks, but then along came Bob with a catchy tune and all was forgiven!! ain't life great.
Me - I love all music. My teenage walls were covered with posters of all kinds of artists. Don't think anyone would have been able to figure out what kind of person lived there - seriously - anyone remember Japan??

Over the years I've listened to it - written - sung and produced it to the point that some people only know me as Dawna Lee the reggae artist - and that's cool I guess - but that's not all - that's just one part - hence the deliberate pause. Yet any pause button will only hold for so long - before things begin to stir again. Music is powerful - a gift from the gods if you will - and once you love it - you will always love it
A song - or a piece of music will conjure up a mood or an image instantly for me - just one of the reasons I love musical theatre and I guess - it combines my greatest loves -and that's why - ( the dreamer that I am ) I'm able to write to it - my world makes sense. That said though - my current soundtrack is less about what I'm writing and more about me - where I am - write now.

Hey - my writers block has gone!! - back to writing
Rewind Alicia Keys!!
Peace

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