Who would I be if I were a boy

I would be a boisterous boy
I would be cool... perhaps like (a reformed) Samuel L Jackson, or David Beckham.

I would be smart but not arrogant ( well maybe a little).
I would seek to define myself by what I do... my special contribution to the world... and not what I have, or own.
I would seek to honour my father, learning from him, adopting his strengths, and strengthening his weaknesses. I would want to know who he was, but accept if that were not possible.
Ultimately..I would strive to be my own man.

I would take care of my mother.
If I had children of my own, I would be a good father, respecting and assisting the woman who bore my children, whether we still shared a bed... or not.
If I were with a woman who had children who were not of my flesh... I would treat them as if they were, becoming a role model... mentor... a positive aspect of their lives... I would be a father, still.
I would seek not a woman who was perfect... just one who was perfect for me.
I would be playful... and no doubt flirt... but I'd fight the urge to go overboard..
I would try to date one at a time... despite knowing I could date many...

I would see my role as a provider... being smart with money, but not mean. I would be generous, I would strive to improve myself... and support and encourage my partners hopes and dreams also.
Yet I would be wary... and very... very... observant
I would choose wisely.
I suspect.. I would be an egoist... and reminded of that by others from time to time... to little avail.
But I would try to learn.. try to be better.
I would make the most of my free time... reveling in the benefits that comes with being a man.

I would be aware that I may have more obstacles to overcome... but take strength and wisdom from my heritage... my past... redefining my future through my willingness to develop spiritually and intellectually

I would work out. Toning my arms, abs and stomach, as best i can... knowing however, that should they extend outwards... it’s cool. Because I am man.
I may feel safe in the knowledge that growing older...greyer.. fatter... is often seen as a sign of wisdom and maturity, but for me?.. I would aim to make that.. a truism.

I would be a good cook, and handy with a sowing machine... despite my macho exterior.
I would be helpful, and not helpless.
I would be like still waters.

I would write.
I would write love letters to woo my intended… and feel a sense of pride that she keeps them safe...in a box.. or brags about them to her friends...
Although I’d never tell her that.
I’d never want to make her cry, but do my best to keep her happy, so I’d listen.. even if she gets on my nerves and won’t shut up.
I would want to earn more. Not just because of the pressure I may feel to be the main provider.. but because of my ego.
Society expects… and I am a man after all.
I would probably be fearful of doctors and dentists... but I’d attend my appointments anyway. Not for minor things.. only when I really need to.
Perhaps I would never admit to being scared or lonely..lost.. insecure..or wrong.. and never ever would I cry in public. But I'd know, someday, I would.
I would feel as though this world was made for me
That I have a right.. Just because
I may even secretly enjoy the old creation story
I’d smile a lot... I’d be funny
I’d be flawed
I’d be a boy..I’d be a man
I'd be as god intended
I’d be loving… and lovable

But I'm not... a boy